So as I sit here listening to Katy Perry and not going to Church. I listen to this song! I love it. The moment that I first heard it on her album I was seriously captivated by it. I have watched her E! True Hollywood Story and I know that she was brought up in a very religious (and I say religious for a reason) home. She tried to break out into Christian Music but for whatever the reasons she didn't make it. So that's just a little insight to me listening to this song today.
I sit here and I wanted to listen to something upbeat because here lately I've been feeling less than upbeat. Sure I can try to hide the way I feel inside by putting on a smile and cracking joke after joke as to show the world that life is great! But for whatever reason I've not been as happy as I'd like to be. No one particular reason just the facts.
So I sit here *yes i say it again* and my baby is watching the BIEBS on her new DVD and I'm listening to this song and I listen to it I start to feel a warmth over me and I chill and then I feel like I want to cry but of course I don't because, yeah I'm supposed to be strong. I'm always to be strong. I have to show Hailee that you have to be your own strength because you can't count on anyone to be it for you. EXCEPT YOUR MOMMA!! :) oh yes and DADDY!
So I read the lyrics as I listen to her sing them over and over in my ear phones. And although it's no secret that I have not been an active member in a church in over 3 years, the lyrics resinate more to me than just biblical meanings although you'd have to be blind not to see her own struggles as far as her upbringing and her now life.
Sometimes I think we go through the motions of life and lose focus of who we are. We try to be everything for everyone else, and not on purpose, not in a superficial fake sort of way, but more so in a way that we try to connect with others and we try to become what they need us to be so that either we "fit in" or we don't "get kicked out" or just because we feel like we need to fulfill that particular space in everyone's life.
"So I pray for strength like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that's the price"
Now whether you are religious, spiritual or not these words are not meant to preach to you, but rather to ignite something inside of you...US....or just me! :)
I read and listened to her sing those lyrics over and over and I came to the realization that we all have the strength to handle the pressure. We all have it! We were all given it! How we come to use it or push it away is our own choosing. Strength isn't just physical it's emotional and mental as well. Having the strength to do what we need for ourselves is the most important strength to have. When I say this please know I don't mean in a narcissistic sort of everything revolves around you and you are the center of the universe for everyone in it. I simply mean, having the strength to know what is good for you and what is not good for you is what requires real strength. No matter how much you want something if you know it's no good then it takes strength within yourself to walk away from it and count it as a lesson learned.
"At the eh-end of it all, who am I living for" - yes to ALL of my christian, church going religious friends whom i love with all of my heart....yes God would be the answer.
However, the reasoning for my writing today has nothing to do with biblical or religious ideals. It has to do with at the end of it all .... who am I living for .... ME .... why do I do what I do? Why do I like what I like? Why do I look the other way when clearly it's wrong? Why do I think the way that I think? Is it because I believe these things or have I been fed this to believe? Am I trying so hard to not want to be shunned that I just go with it and accept it for what it is because I'd rather be liked than not. Am I simply just going through the motions and not "Living For Me" Whether you are religious or not ... One thing is certain we are given but ONE life to live. We all pretty much believe that we aren't supposed to hurt people, kill, steal and so on. However, do we know what we are supposed to do? Yes in the religious aspects of it all we are giving a book that tells us exactly how we are suppoed to live this life that we are given, but this again is a book that although has "red words from God" also was written by man. and when it was translated by man it was translated by man whom already had religious affiliations and then rewritten by men with other religious views. NOW DO NOT GET ME WRONG OR MIS READ INTO MY WRITINGS!!!!! I believe the word of God. I believe that there is One God and I believe in the gifts of the spirit from God and so forth. I am not saying that I am by any means questioning my faith. I am saying ..... That this song.....as secular as it is to some and as "backslidden" that Katy Perry may be to others .... THIS song....resinates in me the yearning to figure out who exactly I am living for and why? and again that is not meant in a "why am i living ....who am i living for" ....It is meant in "who as other than me who am I living for, and why? Why am I living for anyone besides me or to teach my daughter to live for herself" nothing too dramatic,.....just a thought I had today while I was contimplating going to church .... and of course by looking at the time ... I may have just had my own church on my own.
Read the Lyrics to this song....music is like art....the interpretation is left to the person who is viewing/listening to it. No one is wrong in their thinking or interpretation of it....it's Art/Music .....how it touches you is how you were meant to receive it. It's a great song. If you are not religious please don't let the biblical reference to Esther deter you from it. If you read the book of Esther you'd see that she was an amazing woman!! :0
I hope that I made sense....but if not....I'm sorry. I made sense to me. :) I hope if you are reading this today....you are having a fantastic day! :)
WHO AM I LIVING FOR ~ KATY PERRY
I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah
I am ready for the road less traveled
Suiting up for my crowning battle
This test is my own cross to bare
But I will get there
It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the box starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name
I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?
I can feel this lightness inside of me
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning
I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah
So I pray for a favour like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that's the price
It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name
I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?
I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Don't let the greatness get you down
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Don't let the greatness get you down, oh, oh yeah
I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?
I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
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