Today marked a bitter sweet day for me in regards to a very special group of people. Never in a million years could I have imagined how attached I'd become to a group of kids that were not biologically mine. Having only one child I figured the tears of happiness that come from experiencing high school graduation would only affect me once maybe a little more given nephews and hailees siblings but not from children that I didn't even have the joy of watching grow to become young adults.
As is the course of life, everything is for a season and being a self admitted creature of habit I do not fare well when it comes to change. I flat out can't stand it although I do realize it is a necessary evil that must occur to ensure that we continue to develop ourselves into whatever it is we are here to do. That being said, by no means did I expect this weekend to affect me in such a way.
By design I'm not one who tends to freely distribute my affections. I tend to make people "earn" it. This may not necessarily be a good thing but its not entirely a bad thing either. I can't stand the heart hurting its not a pain I wish to feel whether it be for good reasons such as moving to the next stage in life or whether it be the pain from the heart breaking. I never imagined that I'd feel for these students the way that I do.
As I watched the slideshows at CRossroads Church in Rowlett today I cried like all of the other parents but not in the same way. There's no way I am able to empathize with them as I have yet to feel their exact mixed emotions but being a parent I can certainly sympathize and that alone left me experiencing an abundance of emotions that have been uncharted.
Watching each slideshow from the audience allowed me to experience just a peek at each one of these students' lives. It is a magical. The students that were on these slideshows were babies at one point, yes that's a given but when we first meet people we don't automatically think about them and their lives before we met them. Yes we may ask for the before us stories and enjoy them but we don't often start out with that part. I have always enjoyed learning about people's pasts good and bad I believe that their past is what has made their present being standing before me.
I met these students roughly three years ago. I was going through a change that I had not wanted to go through yet again. It wasn't exactly a pleasant time for me and by no means was I looking to fill a void. I again had decided to let the hole created remain unfilled as I by no means wanted to take a chance of it emptying again.
When I met them I liked them well enough but wasn't trying to get too close. Things change. Sometimes we can't control what emotions we feel no matter how hard we try. I'd like to make this all feel good so sweet and touching but well this is reality and well we don't have a script that gives us our cues. They weren't overly head over heels in love with me (I KNOW SHOCKER!) but they were a breath of fresh air. They accepted me but more importantly my daughter and I began to love them more and more each and every day.
The three years have not been daffodils and dandelions but they have been ever so sweet! At a time in my life where I had given up on mankind I was blessed to be brought to a group of young adults in the making. A close knit group of people who have made my life better. I haven't been the exact role model that perhaps I should have been but I do strive to at least show them that even as adults (by age) mistakes and stuff happens still and it's not the end all of the world. The thing is that they have actually taught me this more than they know.
Today I sat and I cried and I laughed and I smiled and I thought even more into their future, trying to see if I could possibly guess what they will be like in a year, five years, ten years and do forth. Will Michael become a lawyer or some super intelligent CEO or will he go into some other field that I am not even considering? Will Brooke have her house as clean as she always tries to keep things when they get together now? Will Nelson end up in Alabama running his grandfather's business? Will Abel follow Nelson to Alabama? ;) What will Mason be doing? Will they all end up staying in Texas or going away to another state? Will they have successful careers, marriages, and children? What kind of parents will they be? Will they be parents? Will they remember me? Will I see them again once life happens? Yes all of these questions flooded my mind as I sat and watched as their parents got up one by one to give us just a little more of a peek into their lives BN (before now). I cried again but this time I realized it was because I was so proud of them for who they've become. No they're not perfect but no one is. They're still discovering themselves and "their place in this world" and I could only pray that they never lose focus of their dreams and goals.
Steve Jobs (those who know me know that I love the biography and often quote it) did a commencement speech for a university and he ended it with "stay hungry, stay foolish" and I love it. I wish that these students would stay hungry for all of their lives, hungry for knowledge, hungry for truth, hungry for all that they want to become and accomplish. I pray that they stay foolish enough to never give up on what they want from this life. Foolish enough to dream big and bigger. Foolish enough to see the good before they see the bad. Foolish enough up hold on to their memories so that when they are parents they can draw from them and try empathize with their children and remember what it may have felt like to have their thoughts and ideas disregarded. The definition for fool in which I am regarding is "to act in a joking or teasing way" I pray they never lose their sense of humor and that life doesn't make them so serious that they forget how to have fun and most importantly how to laugh at themselves. I pray that they know when it's time to be serious and when it's time to be foolish. I pray that they laugh everyday of their lives for at least one reason.
Another SJ quote from this same commencement was “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
I hope and pray that they stay true to the morals they have been instilled with and that as they grow even more that they continue to follow their dreams but also know when it's time to revise the dream to become their reality. I pray they never give up. Changing your course doesn't mean you've given up it means that you are intelligent enough to realize that perhaps and alternate route must be taken to get to your final destination. I pray that they become a "yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected" (SJ) In this world as it is today we focus way to much on quantity rather than quality of work, time, relationships, etc. I pray that they realize that although quantity is important, that it means nothing if the quality is crap. Focus on the task, time, relationship in front of you and give it your best. Half-butt is never good no one wants your half-butt time, work, or relationship. Focus on the quality you put out in everything. Sometimes the smallest attention to detail make the hugest difference. Don't attach your name to crap. Why would you want the first thought that comes to someone's mind when your name is mentioned for a job, relationship, or time to be "oh them? It'll be crap". Have pride in yourself enough to produce your best work and even if its rejected. Learn from the rejection, it's okay to be rejected. Humble yourself enough to accept the rejection with grace and dignity while rerouting your next plan to succeed. As cliche as it is it really isn't about how many times you fall it's that you get back up and try again. Don't blame others for your short comings. Accept responsibility for what you did or didn't do. Don't make excuses another old saying "excuses are like butt holes, everyone has one and they all stink" (graphic description yet point is made). We all have excuses for what we believe is the reason we do or don't do something or we fail or whatever, the only excuse is that we didn't plan it, follow through, and execute it in the best way. When someone tries to tell you why something failed or wasn't a success listen to the words don't just hear them. Listen and take it in even if its a blow to your gut or ego you'll survive listen enough and be grateful that someone cared enough to try and give you some possible reasons. Be hurt, it's okay; it's human nature, it's your right to feel the way you feel, but get over it. Holding on to it doesn't hurt anyone but you.
Own your mistakes you'll get more respect than by always passing the buck?
Love with all of your heart if it ends then you at least know you have it all you had and you have the good memories to set the requirements for the next love. This one is hard for most people but I believe it's important. I may not follow it all of the time but I try to as much as I can. Never regret a relationship that at one point in time made you feel butterflies and smile like the Joker from Batman (but less creepy). I pray that you never ever have to go through a divorce but if you do, especially if you have children, no matter how much you are hurting try to remember the love you had on your wedding day for your ex and even if they've done you wrong and its all their fault you still loved them and there's no reason to hate them so much that you can't be in the same room as them, especially if you have children. People, even spouses, are human and no one can "do" anything to you or treat you a way that you don't allow them to. If you find yourself saying "why do they keep doing this to me" think really hard and you'll see that it's because you keep allowing them to. Let your no be no and your yes be yes.
Listen to your parents, yes even we have some wisdom that could possibly save you some steps. We aren't perfect no matter how hard we try to project it. (Stop laughing I know that you all know I'm by no means perfect!) We do have your best interest at heart but even parents say the wrong thing or don't word it exactly like you want to hear it, but again listen and grab the pieces that are earnestly meant for your success! Remember that we mess up too and sometimes they're huge mess ups but it doesn't mean we aren't worthy of your forgiveness and love. We can be just as selfish as you at times and it may be incomprehensible to you but try and remember that we are human.
Learn when to known when its time to walk away. This pertains to everything and everyone. Walking away doesn't mean giving up it merely means walking away. Leave it to God to fix or to give you a different perspective. In work, it could mean admitting that you are at a road block and don't have the understanding to go forward it doesn't mean you're any less intelligent it just means in that situation you have run out of productive solutions trust your team to help you. You'll be respected more and you'll learn for the next time. In relationships it doesn't mean you failed it just means you have to remove yourself for a season in order to allow it to heal and then start a new and better plan. It may not heal or remedy in your time or to your desired way but it will heal if you allow it to.
I pray that you all look at each other and strive to be the best you see in the others as it pertains to you. Be as compassionate and loyal and Nelson, be as willing to learn and be taught as Michael, be as reliable and life skilled as Jordan, be as imaginative and loving as Jon (yes he is full of love), be as organized and productive as Brooke, and be as in afraid to take risks as Mason. You all are so wonderful and powerful in your own ways learn to utilize your strengths and improve your weaknesses (yes we all have them and sometimes our strengths can become our weaknesses). There is one last thing: treat others the way that they want to be treated. I know! I know! We've been taught to treat others the way we want to be treated but we are all different. The way you want to be treated may not be the way someone else does. Pay attention and learn how they want to be treated and in turn teach them how to treat you the way in which you desire to be treated.
I love you all in a different way and see the wonderful life that is waiting to be grab by you. I honestly pray that you see it as well. This is your time to rise and shine because you are all stars (cheesy yes I know). The world is yours to take go out there and show it what you are truly made of!
Nicole Gregory
6/10/13
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